Why Italian men are BAD partners.

For several decades a large number of Italian men have been marrying foreign women. Not only that, online they vomit hatred against Italian women, described as ugly, difficult, pretentious, frigid. But are things really like this?

The fundamental mistake lies in looking at this phenomenon only from the male point of view. Italy is deeply a male chauvinist country in which the biggest and loudest voice is that of men. Italian women tend to express themselves less and to suffer passively. Most of them, at least. From my point of view - and not just mine, many slavic foreigners who live in Italy agree with me - Italian women seem like poor girls.

Therefore the only point of view advertised abroad is the male one, especially because Italian women tend to express themselves less.

And, above all, the men who speak badly of Italian women are often the ones who are massively rejected by our female compatriots, for the most disparate reasons. Often they are not attractive, in fact, let's even say that they are ugly. Not only that, they usually also have major character flaws, or are even rude and with zero empathy. Imagine what a mix: ugly, rude and without empathy.

The problem is that many Italian men have significant characterial flaws and, furthermore, Italian culture is rather misogynistic. With this I dont' mean that Italian women are mistreated by the law: on paper (and only on paper) men and women enjoy the same rights; but, those who live ro have lived in Italy, like my Russian friend Tamara, realize that culturally women enjoy very little social respect in the country. At best females are seen as private properties or objects put there to serve men. Their feelings and emotional and material needs are not taken much in consideration.

So let's get to the point: an Italian woman who understands things in the slightest, therefore "not a totally stupid one", understands that often it is better to remain single than to accept a suitor from crude and psychologically infantile men, thus dooming herself to a sad and miserable life.

From here a vicious circle is generated: many Italian women raise their defenses even more when they are in front of an Italian man. I, for example, would never marry one and in general am diffident towards them. And the more avoidant we are with them, the more they will hate us and seek consolation elsewhere (abroad).

The problem is that many foreign girls do not understand Italian culture and, moreover, they are almost always exposed only to the male point of view, i.e. that of Italian men. Many of them end badly.

My friend Tamara lived for many years with an Italian man, with whom she also had a child. But only when she understood the Italian language better and only after discovering at least one betrayal, after having suffered insults and even beatings, did she open her eyes and understood finally that she had wasted precious years with... Well, a shitty man. And he didn't even marry her. She was just used.

A Ukrainian friend of mine, who has many acquaintances among Russian and Ukrainian female expats, after many years of seeing Russian women being abused, abandoned or simply paired with creepy rude Italian men, concluded that the men who seek foreign women are mostly problematic and of low quality. And Russian and Ukrainian women seeking Italian men are equally low quality. They are often women of low culture, who are only looking for a better future in Italy and who have pink glasses on their eyes. At least when they arrive here. When they understand, usually it's too late.

Surely there are also happy marriages among them, but the divorce rate among these couples is around 70%, excluding cohabitation.

The same Italian men despise and denigrate us Italian girls who run away from them and marry foreign men to avoid a gloomy destiny. Many Italian girls nowadays are married to English, Dutch, but also, as in my case, to Polish, Russian or Ukrainian men. We are happy in most cases. They say about us that we are "more open" with foreigners. By this they mean that we are easier and more slutty with foreigners. 

I'm just saying there's a reason for everything. If Italian women are more open to foreigners it is because perhaps the latter are kinder, more empathetic, more attractive, less rude. What's the point of dating a misogynistic rude person just because he's Italian?

The internet is full of testimonies from Italian girls who, for once, dared to get together with a foreigner, whether from Eastern Europe or Western Europe, and who now would never date or even less marry an Italian man again. Some have, if anything, two or three exes, but all foreigners. Yes, stories can end for various reasons: a death, a relocation or simply something between two people no longer works, and yet we can maintain a good opinion or a good memory of our ex. But when it comes to Italian exes, many girls have real traumas.

For example, I had panic attacks when I was with my Italian ex. Other women have suffered gaslighting. Like me. The reason for my panic attacks was perhaps years and years of gaslighting. In these years I was continually accused of doing things I hadn't done, any behavior I did was continually analyzed and criticized by him, whatever happened was always my fault. However, he presented himself, just like these Italian pieces of shit online, as a good "victim" boy, but coincidentally I had the panic attacks, not him! My social life was destroyed. I no longer had any friends, as I couldn't hang out with them freely (all sluts). I won't dwell on it.

A foreign woman might ask at this point: why did you allow him to manipulate you?

Well, manipulators don't immediately present themselves as such. Many Italians are manipulators, but I take one step at a time. Maybe they start by making general observations about clothing: this dress is too elegant (=sexy), this skirt is too short, don't complain if they stalk you and I get angry. Then they can undermine self-esteem with constant comparisons between their girlfriend and other women (their mother, other girls around, foreigners, any woman they can think of).

By raising the bar for years and years, they make sure to lower your self-esteem and isolate you. They will also often speak badly of you to others in order to build a public image of a good guy and prepare negative ground towards the girl, if she tries to escape. And, since Italian culture is chauvinistic and gives more credence to men's statements than to women's, getting out of a toxic relationship without finding yourself isolated and without money will not be easy.

But after marriage and children things can get even worse. For this reason, perhaps, many Italian women, even after a decade of engagement, do not want to get married. In their guts they feel that something is wrong in their relationship. They FEEL that they are stuck in a toxic relationship. But they don't know how to get out of it. They are afraid of loneliness, of poverty, and of the negative comments that they will receive by other people, women included... It's like miserable women (most Italian women married with Italian men) desire that also the other women accept the same miserable destiny. Very few will be there to help you.

However, if the relationship is toxic and you still marry an Italian, perhaps soon, without thinking twice because you feel deeply in love, you risk to end up like Tamara. Battered. Betrayed. And with a child in her arms.

Frankly, I advise Italian women who dream to build a happy family to look abroad. I mean, not all men are sick. I do not agree with the sentence: <<Men are all the same.>> Neither women nor men are all the same. But it is true that some cultures influence certain behaviors more than others. Italian culture makes men become, for the most part, spoiled. Personally I don't get along well with Italians of both genders, I married a foreigner and I have foreign friends, like Tamara. And Tamara also remarried, to a Pole. ;) 

But I get along well with other Italian women who have married or live with foreigners (western or eastern Europeans). Our experiences and ways of reacting to toxic relationships coincide. They are the best. They are the ones who didn't take the first suitor who came by, allowing themselves to be mistreated and silently accepting a miserable fate in order to have an Italian husband to show off to relatives and friends. My husband - slavic - and I still kiss every day, especially before going to sleep. We still say I love you to each others. And I find this priceless.